It's that time of year again, yep, I'm sick. I have caught the lurgy that everyone has been whoring around. I've been ill quite a lot this year, thankfully nothing serious. Such highlights include:
The cold/flu at least four times
Allergy problems
Chest infection
What felt like a broken ankle for about three months
Busted hand
Uncomfortable cyst
Mmm, lovely. I'm currently on antibiotics and coughing up my essence. I actually boked in my mouth last night while trying to sleep. Merry Christmas.
Rage Aginst The Machine, X-Factor, etc bollocks aside, here's a lovely, non-secular Christmas song. Heartfelt and comedic in the way that only Tim Minchin can do. Enjoy.
Wednesday, 23 December 2009
Thursday, 17 December 2009
Have a giggle this Christmas?
At least, leading entertainment retailer, HMV, is encouraging you to. Let's examine what they've put on offer!
David G. Bramwell (better known as the hilarious Dave Spikey), invites you to laugh at various incredibly original stand-up concepts and not at all hackneyed joke constructions, made even funnier by the charming and under-used North West English accent. Blessed to hail from the same place as comedic superstars Peter Kay, Paddy McGuinness, Vernon Kay, Ralf Little and Marlon from Emmerdale, yes, Bolton has another golden boy.
-
Omid Djalili, Live In London
Iranian-born Omid Djalili, has starred in such films as The Mummy and Alien Autopsy (with the fantastic Ant & Dec). Now watch as the Iranian comic, Omid Djalili (from Iran) dances about the stage. The Iranian comic will enthrall you with his impressions and silly voices (that he might have learned in Iran) as he Iranically tickles your funny bone like some sort of laughter terrorist (terrorist because he's from Iran, LOL! OOPS).
-
Rob Brydon, Live
The not at all annoying Welsh motherfucker, Rob Brydon, known for being a traffic warden, baptist and friendly with confusingly popular cunt duo, Horne & Corden invites you to spend a mere £14.99 on his DVD so he can regale you with the under-travelled stand-up avenue that is the difference between men and women (also with silly voices!).
-
Jethro, Too Late To Grow Up!
Who the fuck?
-
Jim Davidson, If I Ruled The World
Join everyone's favourite alcoholic, bankrupt, wife-beating racist, Jim Davidson in being an alcoholic bankrupt, wife-beating racist in If I Ruled The World (which he would, if everything wasn't so fucking politically correct, fucking cripples and darkies eh?). Watch him below entertaining AAARRR BOYYYS from his previous DVD, "I'm a Fucking Disgrace and Everybody Knows It, But I Don't Care".
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Roy Chubby Brown, Too Fat To Be Gay
Chronic pathetic loser, Roy Chubby Brown, continues his interminable stand-up "comedy" career with his latest DVD, much like Davidson, catering to thick people. Buy now, before they sell out (or are burned in a giant fucking furnace)!
-
Well, I don't know about you, but I'm positively devastated that I'm skint this Christmas, otherwise I could've had so many laughs. I guess I'll have to just have to strip the skin from my ballbag using a potato peeler instead, even though it's clearly the less enjoyable option.
---
In other news, I recently saw Eddie Izzard's "Stripped" tour at The Odyssey in Belfast. I also wrote a review, find it here.
Also, here's the excellent Lorcan McGrane doing a stand-up set recently in Norwich. It's good stuff.
PLUS, something I did to pass the time one evening:
I'd say that's possibly your Christmas lot.
Dave Spikey, The Best Medicine Tour
David G. Bramwell (better known as the hilarious Dave Spikey), invites you to laugh at various incredibly original stand-up concepts and not at all hackneyed joke constructions, made even funnier by the charming and under-used North West English accent. Blessed to hail from the same place as comedic superstars Peter Kay, Paddy McGuinness, Vernon Kay, Ralf Little and Marlon from Emmerdale, yes, Bolton has another golden boy.
-
Omid Djalili, Live In London
Iranian-born Omid Djalili, has starred in such films as The Mummy and Alien Autopsy (with the fantastic Ant & Dec). Now watch as the Iranian comic, Omid Djalili (from Iran) dances about the stage. The Iranian comic will enthrall you with his impressions and silly voices (that he might have learned in Iran) as he Iranically tickles your funny bone like some sort of laughter terrorist (terrorist because he's from Iran, LOL! OOPS).
-
Rob Brydon, Live
The not at all annoying Welsh motherfucker, Rob Brydon, known for being a traffic warden, baptist and friendly with confusingly popular cunt duo, Horne & Corden invites you to spend a mere £14.99 on his DVD so he can regale you with the under-travelled stand-up avenue that is the difference between men and women (also with silly voices!).
-
Jethro, Too Late To Grow Up!
Who the fuck?
-
Jim Davidson, If I Ruled The World
Join everyone's favourite alcoholic, bankrupt, wife-beating racist, Jim Davidson in being an alcoholic bankrupt, wife-beating racist in If I Ruled The World (which he would, if everything wasn't so fucking politically correct, fucking cripples and darkies eh?). Watch him below entertaining AAARRR BOYYYS from his previous DVD, "I'm a Fucking Disgrace and Everybody Knows It, But I Don't Care".
-
Roy Chubby Brown, Too Fat To Be Gay
Chronic pathetic loser, Roy Chubby Brown, continues his interminable stand-up "comedy" career with his latest DVD, much like Davidson, catering to thick people. Buy now, before they sell out (or are burned in a giant fucking furnace)!
-
Well, I don't know about you, but I'm positively devastated that I'm skint this Christmas, otherwise I could've had so many laughs. I guess I'll have to just have to strip the skin from my ballbag using a potato peeler instead, even though it's clearly the less enjoyable option.
---
In other news, I recently saw Eddie Izzard's "Stripped" tour at The Odyssey in Belfast. I also wrote a review, find it here.
Also, here's the excellent Lorcan McGrane doing a stand-up set recently in Norwich. It's good stuff.
PLUS, something I did to pass the time one evening:
I'd say that's possibly your Christmas lot.
Tuesday, 1 December 2009
Laughing with a bad taste in your mouth
While Facebook stalking, I happened upon some more comedy "news". Have a look for yourself.
While he may have a relevant point in the UK circuit, as always, Northern Ireland is a bit of a grey area when it comes to comedy aimed at politics. It's very rare in the circuit to hear some intelligent satire about the political situation and/or the main players in it. Whenever it does occur, there's a good chance that the audience just make the kneejerk catholic/protestant connection and wheeze laughter, like a fissured old punching bag, overlooking the intrinsic point.
To be fair, there's a lot of comedians out there latching onto that, including a lot of the more well-known comics in NI. Spinning out the same old yarn for decades. Why? Because people laugh.
When Roland Muldoon says that it's gone "all Michael McIntyre", it's because he gets people in through the doors. They laugh. I don't like McIntyre an awful lot, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why people do. From that, it's not terribly difficult to see why comics emulate him (knowingly or otherwise).
With him at seemingly 100% exposure, it's bad for comedy. It's not challenging for the audiences, and that goes doubly for the comics. Who wants to spend time crafting a routine, toying with wordplay and attempting to "get" an audience on multiple levels when you can zoom through from a to b using a funny voice and jumping about the stage? Sometimes with a better response?
Interestingly enough, McIntyre gave a recent "interview" with The Daily Mirror about his beginnings in the stand-up world, and divulged that
However (massively) unlikely, it's worth wondering if McIntyre's material back in the day was closer to what Muldoon is asking comics to edge towards. It's reasonable to assume that McIntyre realised what sells comedically and finally threw in the towel artistically speaking and adopted his middle of the road (read: boring, uninspired, tedious) comic per$ona. Perhaps as a gay comic, I should "camp" it up a bit, and "embrace" it, as that's obviously fucking hilarious if his DVD sales are anything to go by.
Before the comics become more challenging, the audience need to challenge the comics, instead of laying spread-eagled for those who plunge right in, thrash about, make a few silly faces, then leave before you notice they've taken your entry fee from the bedside dresser.
---
Here's an interview with Bill Hicks, and without trying to sound like another comedy groupie by verbally sucking him off, he's on the money with how a comic should treat the audience. Going by this logic, McIntyre and others like him, nationally famous or otherwise, are practically shitting in the mouths of the audience when they do their guff. The problem is, they appear to love it.
And here's the excellent Doug Stanhope intentionally shitting in their mouths because they love it. Both are making the same point.
"There’s so much xenophobia and Islamophobia – where are the people getting great laughs from that? Why don’t we laugh at Gordon Brown? Of those 100 comics only two made jokes about the BNP ... are we going back to the bad old days? There’s a growing lack of consciousness. A feeling that you should say nothing. That’s really worrying. It’s so frightening, so frustrating.
What are comics scared of? There’s no jobs for comics any more – it’s difficult for anyone but the big names to get an audience. There’s no future for comedy."
What are comics scared of? There’s no jobs for comics any more – it’s difficult for anyone but the big names to get an audience. There’s no future for comedy."
While he may have a relevant point in the UK circuit, as always, Northern Ireland is a bit of a grey area when it comes to comedy aimed at politics. It's very rare in the circuit to hear some intelligent satire about the political situation and/or the main players in it. Whenever it does occur, there's a good chance that the audience just make the kneejerk catholic/protestant connection and wheeze laughter, like a fissured old punching bag, overlooking the intrinsic point.
To be fair, there's a lot of comedians out there latching onto that, including a lot of the more well-known comics in NI. Spinning out the same old yarn for decades. Why? Because people laugh.
When Roland Muldoon says that it's gone "all Michael McIntyre", it's because he gets people in through the doors. They laugh. I don't like McIntyre an awful lot, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why people do. From that, it's not terribly difficult to see why comics emulate him (knowingly or otherwise).
With him at seemingly 100% exposure, it's bad for comedy. It's not challenging for the audiences, and that goes doubly for the comics. Who wants to spend time crafting a routine, toying with wordplay and attempting to "get" an audience on multiple levels when you can zoom through from a to b using a funny voice and jumping about the stage? Sometimes with a better response?
Interestingly enough, McIntyre gave a recent "interview" with The Daily Mirror about his beginnings in the stand-up world, and divulged that
"He shudders when he remembers his stand-up debut 10 years ago at an open mic night in North London.
Michael says: “I got a laugh with the first thing I said and then I died on my a*** for about two years solid. It was horrific.
I was trying to do one-liners and it took me years to realise I just had to be myself. My fear was if I was myself and no one found it funny, I’d have nowhere left to go.
Now I almost overly embrace how weird I am, how I look and how oddly camp I am." "
Michael says: “I got a laugh with the first thing I said and then I died on my a*** for about two years solid. It was horrific.
I was trying to do one-liners and it took me years to realise I just had to be myself. My fear was if I was myself and no one found it funny, I’d have nowhere left to go.
Now I almost overly embrace how weird I am, how I look and how oddly camp I am." "
However (massively) unlikely, it's worth wondering if McIntyre's material back in the day was closer to what Muldoon is asking comics to edge towards. It's reasonable to assume that McIntyre realised what sells comedically and finally threw in the towel artistically speaking and adopted his middle of the road (read: boring, uninspired, tedious) comic per$ona. Perhaps as a gay comic, I should "camp" it up a bit, and "embrace" it, as that's obviously fucking hilarious if his DVD sales are anything to go by.
Before the comics become more challenging, the audience need to challenge the comics, instead of laying spread-eagled for those who plunge right in, thrash about, make a few silly faces, then leave before you notice they've taken your entry fee from the bedside dresser.
---
Here's an interview with Bill Hicks, and without trying to sound like another comedy groupie by verbally sucking him off, he's on the money with how a comic should treat the audience. Going by this logic, McIntyre and others like him, nationally famous or otherwise, are practically shitting in the mouths of the audience when they do their guff. The problem is, they appear to love it.
And here's the excellent Doug Stanhope intentionally shitting in their mouths because they love it. Both are making the same point.
Thursday, 12 November 2009
"I'm not homophobic, but..."
While trawling through the internet due to insane insomnia and the wistful flights of fancy associated with fantasising about getting up early and eating some awful cereal while thinking, "Oooh I'm a good boy", I tiredly found this article.
Without going into the bones of the law, there's an interesting enough point towards the end of the article:
"However, some comedians have criticised the plans, saying they could stifle creativity and even lead to the threat of people being arrested over jokes."
Interesting point. They neglect to mention which comedians, who seemingly, are poised to tearfully shred hours worth of material. In my experience, the gay-related material that gets me in an angry frenzy is the sort that insults me comedically rather than personally. I'm more likely to turn away in disgust at an easy, childish shot than the condemnation of homosexuality.
I've seen people get up on stage and gleefully throw around the word "faggot", using it as a gag itself, rather than others who have used it to curve some sort of rollercoaster narrative. The first camp mostly aren't aware of the outwright offensiveness of the word and see it all as an innocent laugh. The others in the same camp understand the word, and use it as pure, cheap, shock factor.
While I would gladly see those sorts of people arrested and have their key thrown away for hogging stage time and being lazy comics, there is the real danger that (if this law is as dystopian as some might think) those few clever comics, gay or not, who know how to straddle the line respectfully, can craft their spiel, embrace an audience despite what they've said and make an intelligent point, won't be allowed to rail against the hate by fighting fire with fire.
Not only that, what of gay comics? How far can they push the envelope when talking about themselves, and their experiences? While I personally don't make the whole basis of my routine about my sexuality (unlike tiresome others), I could be thrown in jail overnight. I seriously doubt that at the trial, they'll be picking through the nuances of delivery and timing, figuring out if I was trying to be offensive to my own preference. Hell, that's assuming I get a trial, or any other comic, gay or straight. Not that I actually think for a moment the PSNI are going to burst into an amateur comedy club and drag me out, mic stand and all. Although if that's a possibility, I'd gladly do it tomorrow.
While the law appears to have good intentions, it's another possible sign of mainstream entertainment having another limb chopped off in an effort to satiate a crowd who, paradoxically, will laugh themselves senselessly at the phone-in performances of Alan Carr, Little Britain, the "faggot"-using comics as described above and so on, despite being insulting to intellect, comedy and identity. While there is a minority attacking homosexuality with hate, the majority of people are to blame for laughing at it as soon as a hint of showbusiness is draped over it. I certainly wasn't.
---
Now, decide if I'm a hypocrite by watching this clip from Shooting Stars. It contains something that could perhaps be deemed offensive to homosexuals, but I'm not offended at all. In fact, I find it hilarious. It was a ballsy move by two of the most under-rated comic minds of the past 20 years. The question begs, would I be pissed off if the same thing was done by two comics who I'm not so fond of?
David Walliams playing a role he's yet to fully accept in real life. What an attention whore.
Without going into the bones of the law, there's an interesting enough point towards the end of the article:
"However, some comedians have criticised the plans, saying they could stifle creativity and even lead to the threat of people being arrested over jokes."
Interesting point. They neglect to mention which comedians, who seemingly, are poised to tearfully shred hours worth of material. In my experience, the gay-related material that gets me in an angry frenzy is the sort that insults me comedically rather than personally. I'm more likely to turn away in disgust at an easy, childish shot than the condemnation of homosexuality.
I've seen people get up on stage and gleefully throw around the word "faggot", using it as a gag itself, rather than others who have used it to curve some sort of rollercoaster narrative. The first camp mostly aren't aware of the outwright offensiveness of the word and see it all as an innocent laugh. The others in the same camp understand the word, and use it as pure, cheap, shock factor.
While I would gladly see those sorts of people arrested and have their key thrown away for hogging stage time and being lazy comics, there is the real danger that (if this law is as dystopian as some might think) those few clever comics, gay or not, who know how to straddle the line respectfully, can craft their spiel, embrace an audience despite what they've said and make an intelligent point, won't be allowed to rail against the hate by fighting fire with fire.
Not only that, what of gay comics? How far can they push the envelope when talking about themselves, and their experiences? While I personally don't make the whole basis of my routine about my sexuality (unlike tiresome others), I could be thrown in jail overnight. I seriously doubt that at the trial, they'll be picking through the nuances of delivery and timing, figuring out if I was trying to be offensive to my own preference. Hell, that's assuming I get a trial, or any other comic, gay or straight. Not that I actually think for a moment the PSNI are going to burst into an amateur comedy club and drag me out, mic stand and all. Although if that's a possibility, I'd gladly do it tomorrow.
While the law appears to have good intentions, it's another possible sign of mainstream entertainment having another limb chopped off in an effort to satiate a crowd who, paradoxically, will laugh themselves senselessly at the phone-in performances of Alan Carr, Little Britain, the "faggot"-using comics as described above and so on, despite being insulting to intellect, comedy and identity. While there is a minority attacking homosexuality with hate, the majority of people are to blame for laughing at it as soon as a hint of showbusiness is draped over it. I certainly wasn't.
---
Now, decide if I'm a hypocrite by watching this clip from Shooting Stars. It contains something that could perhaps be deemed offensive to homosexuals, but I'm not offended at all. In fact, I find it hilarious. It was a ballsy move by two of the most under-rated comic minds of the past 20 years. The question begs, would I be pissed off if the same thing was done by two comics who I'm not so fond of?
David Walliams playing a role he's yet to fully accept in real life. What an attention whore.
Saturday, 24 October 2009
Marcus KEELEY'S BLOG POST.
In my last post I said I was going to watch Russell Howard's Good News, a new BBC3 self-congratulatory wank-a-thon involving the mentioned comic. Instead I watched Question Time (which was on a proper channel) and was more amused by blind bigotry and holocaust denial by the UK's biggest wankshaft, Nick Griffin - a man who appears to regularly receive a punch in the face and an old VHS copy of "Sanford & Son" in his Christmas stocking.
I attempted to Sky+ Howard's show to watch later, but truthfully, my Sky box kept giving me error messages; assumedly a soon to be archaic technological expression for confusion and "Really? My word, where have your standards gone?". Instead, I was lucky(!) enough to catch it after watching Jonathan Ross brown-tonguing everyone in sight on his show. It's really quite spectacular, totally off the scale. Incidentally, Boy George was a guest, and Ross (not "Wossy" for fuck's sake) spent ample time discussing Boy's time in prison, but cheerfully ignored why he'd gotten himself a four-month break in prison. I was just imagining the opening gambit:
"So yeah. How are you? And what was all that madness about chaining someone to a radiator? Fuck me, like."
No such luck. Was nice to see the fantastic Tim Minchin on it though.
Anyway, back to Howard. The main premise of the show is that he asks a rhetorical/meaningless question in the same suspicious manner of a wet-behind-the-ears door to door salesman who seems overly pleased with himself that he can read his badly-written sales pitch into the gust of wind usually accompanied by a slamming door, before answering with an overplayed, unfunny news/internet clip to somehow justify this poor segway. Less than ten seconds in and he's over his first cock joke, no kidding. There's a worrying fascination with the anal tract, and as a result, plenty of gay jokes.
Cue poor character skits interconnected with puerile bullshit, "funny" voices and essentially what you have is a children's scat party with hints of Charlie Brooker's excellent Screenwipe and Harry Hill's TV Burp accidentally turning up at the wrong address, but not leaving straight away because they figure that the slightly autistic-looking kid flinging crap everywhere might have a spaz attack if they do.
Other highlights include his infuriating projected background wallpaper, which reads, "Russell HOWARD'S GOOD NEWS", over and over again. The fact that he's an egotist doesn't annoy me, it's the superfluously lower-cased "Russell" going on there. What on earth is that all about? Another "moment" was a video clip of him singing and dancing along to a Michael Jackson song, aged 8. Who knew all shit comedians imitated him?
Just to piss you off a little bit more and to give Howard a reason for this whole show, which flows as well as someone giving you second-by-second updates through the bottom of a cubicle while they shit out a pineapple, he finishes on an incredibly badly-paced final clip wherein a teenager donates the reward money to a rape victim after helping solve the crime. What are you saying here exactly, Howard? That it's somehow surprising that someone did what any morally correct person would do in that situation? If that's the case, then please don't show the seven (yes, seven!) remaining episodes of your programme.
-
Anyway, enjoy some good comedy with Adam Laughlin's headliner set from monday at The Pavilion. Shaky camerawork by yours truly.
Big Laughs at The Big House is on every monday. Pavilion Bar, Ormeau Road, Belfast. This monday it's Sketch Night. Should be something different.
I attempted to Sky+ Howard's show to watch later, but truthfully, my Sky box kept giving me error messages; assumedly a soon to be archaic technological expression for confusion and "Really? My word, where have your standards gone?". Instead, I was lucky(!) enough to catch it after watching Jonathan Ross brown-tonguing everyone in sight on his show. It's really quite spectacular, totally off the scale. Incidentally, Boy George was a guest, and Ross (not "Wossy" for fuck's sake) spent ample time discussing Boy's time in prison, but cheerfully ignored why he'd gotten himself a four-month break in prison. I was just imagining the opening gambit:
"So yeah. How are you? And what was all that madness about chaining someone to a radiator? Fuck me, like."
No such luck. Was nice to see the fantastic Tim Minchin on it though.
Anyway, back to Howard. The main premise of the show is that he asks a rhetorical/meaningless question in the same suspicious manner of a wet-behind-the-ears door to door salesman who seems overly pleased with himself that he can read his badly-written sales pitch into the gust of wind usually accompanied by a slamming door, before answering with an overplayed, unfunny news/internet clip to somehow justify this poor segway. Less than ten seconds in and he's over his first cock joke, no kidding. There's a worrying fascination with the anal tract, and as a result, plenty of gay jokes.
Cue poor character skits interconnected with puerile bullshit, "funny" voices and essentially what you have is a children's scat party with hints of Charlie Brooker's excellent Screenwipe and Harry Hill's TV Burp accidentally turning up at the wrong address, but not leaving straight away because they figure that the slightly autistic-looking kid flinging crap everywhere might have a spaz attack if they do.
Other highlights include his infuriating projected background wallpaper, which reads, "Russell HOWARD'S GOOD NEWS", over and over again. The fact that he's an egotist doesn't annoy me, it's the superfluously lower-cased "Russell" going on there. What on earth is that all about? Another "moment" was a video clip of him singing and dancing along to a Michael Jackson song, aged 8. Who knew all shit comedians imitated him?
Just to piss you off a little bit more and to give Howard a reason for this whole show, which flows as well as someone giving you second-by-second updates through the bottom of a cubicle while they shit out a pineapple, he finishes on an incredibly badly-paced final clip wherein a teenager donates the reward money to a rape victim after helping solve the crime. What are you saying here exactly, Howard? That it's somehow surprising that someone did what any morally correct person would do in that situation? If that's the case, then please don't show the seven (yes, seven!) remaining episodes of your programme.
-
Anyway, enjoy some good comedy with Adam Laughlin's headliner set from monday at The Pavilion. Shaky camerawork by yours truly.
Big Laughs at The Big House is on every monday. Pavilion Bar, Ormeau Road, Belfast. This monday it's Sketch Night. Should be something different.
Thursday, 22 October 2009
BBC3...again.
Despite Lunch Monkeys plauging the ratifiable non-channel, the bigwigs haven't stopped there in their sordid attempt to become complete craic-vacuums towards comedy by giving smarmy, charmless man-boy, Russell Howard his own television programme.
Let him break it down for you:
Not only does he look like he's been coming off heroin for the past fortnight, but he's exhibiting all the major qualities of someone who's on drugs:
i) The misguided opinion that anything/everything they say is vaguely interesting/funny.
ii) Annoying nervous facial tics (I actually think that his continual blinking stems from the fact he can't believe how lucky he is to have gotten this far on paedophile jokes).
iii) Genuine dislikability and increased punchability factor.
I can't take any comedian seriously who wears a t-shirt on stage. It's insulting. Why should I listen to you? You look like you're jonesing for a packet of Haribo half the time. If you needed any more proof that he was a bit of a lazy cunt comedically, have a look at this:
Fuck research man, get the proles to do it for you! What an hack way to please your audience. Nevermind what you think and stand for as a comic! Have a point of view? Fuck that! Just talk about what people suggest to you! It's win-win. Sweet Christ.
Anyway, it's on at 10:30pm on BBC3 (technically) tonight. I'll watch it, just because I'm a bit of a self-loathing cunt. That's right Howard, I don't actually hate you, it's all about me, so don't flatter yourself for thinking this bile is being sent your way, you self-indulgent cunt.
Also, just for a laugh, if anyone wants me to write about, review, etc something, give me a shout. I'll beat Howard at his game. Facebook me, or comment here.
Let him break it down for you:
Not only does he look like he's been coming off heroin for the past fortnight, but he's exhibiting all the major qualities of someone who's on drugs:
i) The misguided opinion that anything/everything they say is vaguely interesting/funny.
ii) Annoying nervous facial tics (I actually think that his continual blinking stems from the fact he can't believe how lucky he is to have gotten this far on paedophile jokes).
iii) Genuine dislikability and increased punchability factor.
I can't take any comedian seriously who wears a t-shirt on stage. It's insulting. Why should I listen to you? You look like you're jonesing for a packet of Haribo half the time. If you needed any more proof that he was a bit of a lazy cunt comedically, have a look at this:
Fuck research man, get the proles to do it for you! What an hack way to please your audience. Nevermind what you think and stand for as a comic! Have a point of view? Fuck that! Just talk about what people suggest to you! It's win-win. Sweet Christ.
Anyway, it's on at 10:30pm on BBC3 (technically) tonight. I'll watch it, just because I'm a bit of a self-loathing cunt. That's right Howard, I don't actually hate you, it's all about me, so don't flatter yourself for thinking this bile is being sent your way, you self-indulgent cunt.
Also, just for a laugh, if anyone wants me to write about, review, etc something, give me a shout. I'll beat Howard at his game. Facebook me, or comment here.
Friday, 16 October 2009
Shine your shoes?
Long time since an update, and I'm sure you're gasping for more words from your favourite pseudo-racounteur.
Well, I have no tales to tell. The reason is because not much has been happening. Actually, plenty would be happening, but I'm currently financially rotten; nothing happens unless you have money. Look at Africa, not an awful lot goes on there. Except disease, war, famine, etc. I don't want to get into that, I'd only have to clean up the mess in the end.
Speaking of crimes against humanity, I was unfortunate enough to catch the last five minutes of the climactic end to BBC3's latest djfsdgsefsd, "Lunch Monkeys". It was supposedly "climactic" according to one of the out-of-work actors doing voiceovers this week, as I strangely caught the intro to it an hour afterward, probably, on some arbitrary +1 channel.
While it's unfair to comment on a programme when you only caught the haggard arse-end of, it's also unfair that I have little else to do on an evening than see it, so here we go.
Some sort of vague office-based "comedy" appealing to the 4-8 year old range (mentally), intolerable pricks across the land and the families of the cast (maybe). While we're talking about the cast, they all look like they're their target, i.e. morons. Morons with gormless, punchable faces, unrealistically worn work attire and the conversational skill of a broken toilet seat. Walk out into the street on any friday or saturday night and you'll bump into these people. The world is swimming with them. It doesn't mean I want to see them on television either!
Watch this short clip. For every time one of you laughs, I'll surrender a testicle to my fridge door.
Guffaws abound.
I honestly can't see how this is an entertaining programme. In fact, I find it downright offensive when they comission a show about listless spastics working in admin, being generally useless and not getting the sack (oops, spoiled the finale for you, ah well), when I'm currently out of a job! In their fictional world, I could USE that job!
But as I said earlier, the world is full of spastics like them - in the street, in offices, in law firms, in the government, in university ... and seemingly, in the BBC Comissioning Department. Roll on the Mad Max style civilisation. Mel Gibson can even be in it, I'm that serious.
Well, I have no tales to tell. The reason is because not much has been happening. Actually, plenty would be happening, but I'm currently financially rotten; nothing happens unless you have money. Look at Africa, not an awful lot goes on there. Except disease, war, famine, etc. I don't want to get into that, I'd only have to clean up the mess in the end.
Speaking of crimes against humanity, I was unfortunate enough to catch the last five minutes of the climactic end to BBC3's latest djfsdgsefsd, "Lunch Monkeys". It was supposedly "climactic" according to one of the out-of-work actors doing voiceovers this week, as I strangely caught the intro to it an hour afterward, probably, on some arbitrary +1 channel.
While it's unfair to comment on a programme when you only caught the haggard arse-end of, it's also unfair that I have little else to do on an evening than see it, so here we go.
Some sort of vague office-based "comedy" appealing to the 4-8 year old range (mentally), intolerable pricks across the land and the families of the cast (maybe). While we're talking about the cast, they all look like they're their target, i.e. morons. Morons with gormless, punchable faces, unrealistically worn work attire and the conversational skill of a broken toilet seat. Walk out into the street on any friday or saturday night and you'll bump into these people. The world is swimming with them. It doesn't mean I want to see them on television either!
Watch this short clip. For every time one of you laughs, I'll surrender a testicle to my fridge door.
Guffaws abound.
I honestly can't see how this is an entertaining programme. In fact, I find it downright offensive when they comission a show about listless spastics working in admin, being generally useless and not getting the sack (oops, spoiled the finale for you, ah well), when I'm currently out of a job! In their fictional world, I could USE that job!
But as I said earlier, the world is full of spastics like them - in the street, in offices, in law firms, in the government, in university ... and seemingly, in the BBC Comissioning Department. Roll on the Mad Max style civilisation. Mel Gibson can even be in it, I'm that serious.
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